Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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