I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
