You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
