He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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