Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
