remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
