The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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