Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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