So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize