I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
