You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
