She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
