I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
