After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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