Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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