My hand turned me down
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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