did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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