its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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