Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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