i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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