I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize