Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
