Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
