when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
