I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
