You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
