I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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