i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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