You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
