On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize