i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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