'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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