I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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