That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
