Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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