i barfeds in our rink
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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