I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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