dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
