I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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