is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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