Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
