I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize