she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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