Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
