the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
