The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
