i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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