im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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