She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
