Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
