he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
