i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
