Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
