Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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