this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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