if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
