We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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