Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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