Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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