Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
