Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
