Already got asked if we're dating
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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