I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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