it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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