so that wasnt chicken after all
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize