Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
