its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
