You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
