I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
