I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
