Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
