that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
